i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
