marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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