You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
