but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
