Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And then my night got REAL pukey
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
