reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
