put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Randomize
