a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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