No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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