You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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