he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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