so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
