C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
