dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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