i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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