i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
