Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
