sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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