the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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