i love accidental penises.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
