I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
