oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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