after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
