ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
