why didn't you poke me back
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
