People with herpes should wear stickers.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
