Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
