He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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