They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Sober January is a disaster.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I will be naked everywhere
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
