Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
