last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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