Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
