if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
my poor anus
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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