Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
