Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am mentally ready for anal.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
