You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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