Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
