dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
false alarm. still invincible.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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