My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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