Have you finally orgasmed yet?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
