sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
