Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
