when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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