thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
