So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
