I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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