WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
