Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
