Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
