Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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