I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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